Healthy Boundaries

I’m wondering now if my friends are just coincidentally fucking up more or if I’m just noticing it more because I’m noticing everything more. A friend yesterday got to the airport two hours early but still missed her flight at 10:20am to Florida for a sommelier introduction class over the weekend. The last text from her I have is “Yeah I’m just trying to get to my Bloody Mary.” Hours later I heard from another buddy the fiasco of the plane leaving ten minutes early and her not being on it. 

And last night, my ex girlfriend whom I have told a number times that she acts way differently toward me when she’s drinking and that even though it is a more touchy-feely, emotional version of herself, it isn’t an authentic version and overall, I don’t really appreciate the interaction because then when she isn’t drinking, it’s kind of a mindfuck because I’m acting the same, all affectionate and sweet but I’m met with stoney, aloof ex girlfriend, yeah, she dropped by already a little tipsy and being super sweet. Then she got a little more intoxicated and one co-worker of ours was like, 

“how is she getting home?” 

And I was like,

 “I’ve already talked to her about not driving drunk for like the last three years and it is, to put it lightly, not well received, so YOU can tell her not to drive and she might actually listen.” 

My ex gf did ask me to take her home, and even though I’d rather just chill with my buddies post sweeping and mopping, I took my ex girlfriend home. On the way, she decided something I said was “calling her out” and whacked me with the back of her hand. I explained that I really didn’t appreciate getting hit for no reason and she apologized and I stayed quiet, listening to her talk about her night so I could get over being flash angry for someone whacking me. But I wasn’t answering and I was being mad which made my ex girlfriend mad and I was like, 

“you gotta give me a second to get over that. You can’t get mad at me for being mad about getting hit. I woulda been fine in a few minutes.” 

“Go back to your house, I will drive myself home.” 

“That is a terrible idea. S—– already asked who was driving you home.” 

“Well fuck her!” 

Alrighty then. I got out of the car as my roommate whom I wished I had stayed and hung out with was walking up. 

“She’s driving herself home?” 


“She shouldn’t do that.” 

“I know. I already said that but as you’ve told me before NMP, not my problem.” 

“Oh, geez.”

So, I’m setting boundaries. I don’t want to be around my ex when she is drinking. It isn’t fair that I’m trying to be a better person and trying to treat other folks better but getting met with this drunk anger. Like, i don’t want to spend energy on conflicts that arise solely because someone’s emotions are being fueled by alcohol. I didnt receive her criticism of my ecstasy intake very well so i don’t expect this to go over very well, but it’s just the way it has to be. My emotions are SO triggered by inconsistency in affection on top of everything else that is wrong with the situation. 


2 thoughts on “Healthy Boundaries

  1. That’s tough. I think your title is the best advice, find those health boundaries.

    This post made me think of some freeloaders bringing me down. My old drinking friends who still think it’s cool to show up, eat all my food, trash my house, and act like idiots.

    Thanks for posting


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