Meeting #6

Yesterday, i got up and ran in the rain. I ran the fastest i have yet because, ya know, i wanted to GTFO of the rain. I have found that if i lend myself excuses for not running (or any other obligations) i stop fulfillfing  my obligations to the best of my ability and get kinda slack. I dont want to slack off on running–it is getting and keeping me thin, like the thinnest ive been in my adult life. Or close to the thinnest. My clothes are saggy, and not in a frumpy way, but in a cute way.  I feel my muscles. After i ran, i got my not bible study program together and that went rally well for a first try. Then i went ot my 6th meeting. The meeting topic was about alcoholics being around alcohol and their various levels of discomfort. i found myself pretty much coming from a different perspective with my relationship to alcohol. Where one guy said he beads up with sweat like the condensation on a beer bottle when he goes into a bar, i love being in bars sober. I serve alcohol for a living. I have no qualms with it. I dont struggle to not put the alcohol im serving into my body impulsively or compulsively. The girl im seeing and my best friend said, “that’s because you arent an alcoholic.” I think i agree with that sentiment. I have experienced a dysfunctional relationship with drugs and alcohol, and oi want to habituated myself to not turn to booze for relief or enhancement for experiences. Like, i dont want to need a beer to celebrate or wind down or lean on. I dont want to look forward to a 3pm double break so i can go pound three vodka sodas. I want guitar playing or writing or reading or running or hiking to be the reward. So, im going to keep on being sober until not alcohol is the habit and ease back into an occasional glass of red wine, a good scotch, or an IPA. Im also in complete control or at least complete awareness of and better control of my emotions. Just the awareness is a change for the better. I want to keep that up until i master observation and non reaction. I want to be keenly aware of myself as i enter this new and amazing relationship i have found myself in. Sobriety aids that.  I want to make sure i dont show my ass. Sobriety aids that. 

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