I Have No Idea What I Am Doing

So, i met this amazing woman a month ago. I have seen her twice in-person. I knew very early on, prior to first meeting her in-person, that what was transpiring between us was special, like, hold the phone. This is my year, the year of the rooster, the year that i reach all my goals, the year that all my dreams come true, and ive straightened up my act, so to speak, so, i wasnt really all that shocked to have the perfect person cross my path right now. I am shocked, however, at how perfectly perfect this person is.  I’m excited but that excitement has been subdued a bit because i don’t want to freak out everyone in my life and have them chalk my behavior up to insanity. The cool thing is i had a 30+ days isnt of sobriety to clear my head. This isn’t a drug or alcohol-induced neediness.  The other cool thing is this woman lives 3 hours away so we can’t ruin our lives OD’ing on each other–we have this speed bump so that we can, ya know, maintain our autonomy, hem up some things, be present in our respective communities. At the same time, we are in love, and we decided to get married. 

We decided on tuesday to get married on friday, and My sister came up to visit Wednesday. I told her over breakfast i was getting married. She told me i was stupid and was mad that i didn’t invite her and said she was suppose to be my best man. Im not sure why in the world she would think she would be my best man, but as someone who gives calendars out of themselves as Christmas presents, my sister is self important and thinks her (unsolicited) opinion is invaluable.  She also doesn’t respect boundaries–i asked her to kindly shut the fuck up if she didn’t have something nice and/or constructive to say, but she continued to be an asshole the entirety of her stay. She was recently dumped by someone she was very in love with so in addition to her narcissism there is probably a little jealousy+bitterness in the mix of her yammer. Her lousy response and another lousy response from a friend of my girlfriend’s prompted me to post this on the facebook early this morning:

I’m getting married this weekend. I’m not asking anyone’s permission as, at 35 years of age, I’m finally realizing and expressing my autonomy! While, I am not asking for permission, I am asking for support. The beauty of Haywood County is, in large part, the mountainous landscape, but mostly, for me, the beauty of this place is the folks who reside here and make up my community. Yes, marrying someone I’ve known for a month is impulsive and crazy and impractical. It is also sweet and beautiful and optimistic. If your words are less-than-supportive, I request that you please hold your tongue. Ask yourself, “is this kind? Is this necessary?” I’m not able to articulate my feelings about Joanna Brooks sufficiently for anyone to understand my motivation to get married or to convince anyone that I’m making a “good” decision. I’m also not interested in convincing anyone that this is a “good” decision. It is a decision that makes me happy, overjoyed, in fact, and joy is something the world could use more of; therefore, we should get excited when we see it–even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense to us! I am embracing what god has put before me, and I am fully confident that the formula of following god+Joanna Brooks by my side+my community behind me=SUCCESS! We didn’t invite anyone to the ceremony–that is a moment we wanted to keep between the two of us. You are, however, cordially invited to spend the the rest of our lives celebrating with us. Cheers! 
The-very-soon-to-be Mr Brooks

Friday is going to be a fun day–getting married (a government-sanctioned marriage that I swore i would never take part in), hiking, taking my new bride to a fave brewery, hanging out with some buddies, and having lots of amazing sex. We might also check out a house for accomodating an eventual splitting of time between where this woman lives and the beautiful place i call home. I have no idea what I’m doing but im more than willing to take this risk because there is so much to gain. 


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