Three Weeks

Im still married. I got married three weeks and one day ago, and so far, it has stuck. My wife lives three hours from me and we just saw each other last night for the first time in 19 days. My joke to folks who ask me how married life is going is, “it’s GREAT–my wife lives in atlanta so we get along just fine.” The reality is much different. I have loads of things going on at home–two jobs and a few community projects. But i miss going to bed on a regular basis with the person i love. We decided not to have so much time in between visits anymore. It was really hard to navigate our own insecurities plus the curve balls life regularly throws plus this one sustained curve ball my wife has going on in her life–taking care of her dying mom–is really taking a toll. My mom was in the same place a little over ten years ago taking care of her stage four cancer mom for months. She called up my wife to chat about it last week and both of them are now really excited to meet the other in-person.  What has been the biggest hurdle for us is all our individual emotional crap mixed in with life stuff mixed in with learning each other mixed in with distance. Navigating your own neurotic bullshit is one thing. Navigating yours+someone else’s+the combination of those is whoaaaaaa, especially when you dont have the option to reach over and hug it out. However, not being able to reach over and hug it out has forced me into better (read: kinder, clearer, more effective) communication. 
Something that has been on my plate at home but which i refuse to drag into my new relationship is reactionary bullshit from my ex girlfriend. This person was indecisive and non committal about getting back together OR even about having an open relationship AND just has a problem with honesty so a couple of months ago, her behavior made it very easy to cut ties and move on once i was presented with the opportunity of a relationship that had greater potential than this previous one ever would. However, my ex fails to see her part in the erosion of my affection for her and every eek or so i am the target of her ire. It is usually alcohol-induced. She also thinks i am faking my happiness. She told a mutual friend of our that she believes the whole me being happy is an act. Whoa. I guess though if you’re an inauthentic person, you assume that everyone is capable of that. Im not. I can’t be fake at all. And after being with someone for three years, i would think they would know that i couldnt be fake. I was dumbfounded when i learned this yesterday. And sad. Her reluctance to accept her part, to blame me for breaking her heart, and telling me she will never forgive me–those things make me sad because they only hurt her. I do also feel sad for the boy who is trying to date her. He likes her a lot but her mind is obviously elsewhere. Im fighting the urge to fix this. I cant and it isn’t my place anyway.


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